


Do You Remember?

by ds9trekkie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel Castiel, Angel Sex, Angel Wings, Angelic Grace, Angst, Archangels, Betrayal, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Boys Kissing, Calthazar, Canonical Character Death, Civil War, Crack, Death, Falling In Love, Fluff, Grace Kink, Grace Sex, Grace Sharing, Heaven, Idiots in Love, Jealous Balthazar, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Love Poems, Love at First Sight, M/M, One Shot, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Protective Balthazar, Rimming, Sassy Balthazar, Season/Series 06, Smut, Top Balthazar, True Love, Unhappy Ending, Vessels, War, World Travel, balthazar knows how to take a guy on a date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 21:59:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7731340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ds9trekkie/pseuds/ds9trekkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Balthazar has to to break, if he must inevitably lose himself, he'd want it to be because of Castiel. From the moment he laid eyes on the other angel, Balthazar's somehow always known that he's destined to spiral completely out of control over him, accepting his fate as he slowly falls down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Remember?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wayward_Daughter_16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Daughter_16/gifts).



> Calthazar is my jam! This is the full story of how I picture their love story. Balthazar is perfection and I just love how much he LOVES Castiel! My sweet cinnamon rolls deserve all the lovin'! Calthazar is so beautifully tragic and I've always been a total slut for pain. First fic I've ever written that doesn't have a happy ending. I cry! Enjoy :) Also, the night club scene is me just shamelessly picturing/shipping Sebastian and Misha!

The pissing contest between Raphael and Castiel is escalating rapidly, neither one giving up, yet neither one organized enough to make any progress. Truly, Balthazar doesn't give a care about the outcome, apocalypse or no apocalypse, none of it matters if he's going to continue to be denied the one thing he wants most.

Sexy, strong, absolutely unique Castiel. Balthazar's always worshipped him, willing to do anything the angel commands, whether it be to fight for him, to protect him, or even to sacrifice himself for him. There's no limit when it comes to Castiel, Balthazar acknowledging the other angel's many flaws yet not caring in the slightest.

Somehow, Balthazar wormed his way into Castiel's garrison, not even remembering the strings he had to pull to accomplish that one. He needed to be closer to him, wanted to fight beside him, so Balthazar made it happen. He even forced himself to laugh at all of Uriel's horrible jokes that Castiel loved so much. Balthazar's irrational and stupid when it comes to his darling, ready at any moment to take the proverbial bullet.

Ever since Castiel first found Balthazar on Earth, learning that he faked his own death all those years ago, he's been lost, looking confused and frustrated. Balthazar understands his internal struggles without asking, balancing the hardships of love and war. Castiel is distracted, distracted from the horrors of the battlefield by what he does best, love.

To Hell with the Righteous Man, everybody's favorite ape will never appreciate the beauty of Heaven's most rebellious angel, not the way Balthazar does. Castiel is a fool, a bloody gorgeous fool, that is wasting his time chasing after a man who will never love him.

Castiel is obsessed with that brainless Winchester boy, hovering around him like a guard dog. Jealousy is what fuels Balthazar's life recently, hungry for a shred of the affection Castiel throws towards Dean. But Balthazar _knows_ , knows that the human doesn't feel the same way, only using the angel like a tool, a permanent plan B.

But Castiel used to love Balthazar too, eons ago, under much different circumstances, the memory of it like a distant dream of somebody else's experiences. Balthazar feels it's time to remind his lover what they used to have, what they can have again.

Everyone in Heaven knew exactly what Balthazar was, describing him as 'the most liberal angel' to put it nicely. And for a very long time, Castiel maintained the facade of being pure, conservative in his behavior, the two of them making a very unexpected pair. But there's a darkness inside Castiel, a rebel at heart, something that makes him drawn towards chaos, feeling intrigue for creatures like Balthazar.

He remembers that one of the first faces he ever saw was Castiel's, so small, so beautiful looking over him with curiosity as Balthazar came to life. There was no way for Balthazar to understand his feelings at the time, too young to comprehend the complexities of what it means to be in love, but he knows now that it happened instantly, love at first sight. Balthazar's life begins and ends with Castiel, it's always been _him_ , and it always will be.

It took an extreme amount of effort and patience, but Balthazar eventually won his heart, wearing Castiel down with his stubborn charm, convincing him to be his lover now and forever. Of course, their heavenly brethren could never find out, they could speculate and gossip all they'd like, but Balthazar made sure to cover his tracks, keeping himself and Castiel safe from their wrath. Their acts of intimacy were forbidden, that fact alone making it all the more delicious.

Balthazar always liked Gabriel, definitely the most relatable of the archangels, well, at least the only one without a stick shoved up his ass, never barking about orders or duty. Balthazar believes Gabriel knew the true meaning of being an angel, a good mix between compassion and fun. It was obvious Gabriel loved his brother's and sisters, the forever mediator of petty squabbles and disagreements.

With Dad out of the picture and Lucifer getting banished to Hell after his infamous tantrum, that pretty much left Heaven to the three remaining archangels. Michael and Raphael were total prudes, leaving Gabriel as the cool parent. Balthazar looked up to him, and so did Castiel.

When Gabriel decided to leave, Balthazar was left shocked, feeling abandoned by one of the only people keeping Heaven a somewhat bearable place to be. Life with Michael and Raphael was prison, the fighting between themselves becoming unmanageable, so Gabriel ran away, saved himself the pain of seeing his family tear itself apart.

It sounded like a great idea.

Why was he staying in a place that's filled with violence and animosity, a place were he and Castiel were not free to love each other? Inspired, he decided to follow in Gabriel's footsteps, to leave Heaven and taste freedom, but he wasn't going anywhere without his darling.

Balthazar hounded Castiel, presented him every detailed reason in the book of why they should leave. Begged him for ages, begged him to choose their love over the unrewarding demands of Heaven. But Castiel wouldn't give in, he simply wouldn't run away from home with his bad boy boyfriend, he just couldn't leave the drama.

His sanity on the line, Balthazar made his choice, he made love to Castiel one last time before ripping both their hearts out. He couldn't let Castiel know that he voluntarily left him, taking the cowards way out Balthazar faked his own death, and in the process forced Castiel to mourn him rather than blame him. Raiding Heaven's armory, he snatched up as many sacred weapons as he could manage, their value immeasurable and bound to help him later on if he wound up caught in a tight spot, before he slinked out beyond pearly gates completely unnoticed.

Balthazar has taken more lovers than he cares to count while hiding out on Earth, but he's never fallen in love with one of them. He could never love a _human_ , not after knowing the raw warmth an angel's love can provide, not after loving Castiel. Humans are incapable of emitting such a powerful sensation, Balthazar simply using them as a cheap way to get his vessel's cock wet. And it's been suitable for a while, something to take the edge off, but now that he's had a glimpse of his true love again, he's aching for him.

After their most recent debacle with Fate, Castiel sending Balthazar on some ridiculous errand to unsink the Titanic, he knew things were desperate. These were the actions of madmen, sneaky attempts at cutting corners. Cheaters.

It was clever, really, coming up with this immoral plan to create and harvest more souls, more power, but it didn't fit Castiel. This was more of a Balthazar idea, one that back in the day, Castiel would have talked _him_ out of, steered him on the right path, like a good soldier and a good friend. However, Balthazar followed his orders doing whatever the other angel commanded, fumbling in the dark with Castiel as his only source of ever dimming light.

This war is clearly different than any of its predecessors, it's dirty tactics leaving blemishes all over Castiel's bright and shiny soul, something Balthazar needs to try and make him aware about. Castiel believes this war will be the last, the war that finally ends the fighting, allowing Heaven to achieve peace, but he's wrong, it never ends, it's not meant to end. Castiel is drowning and Balthazar is going to save him, or die trying.

~

Balthazar finds him in Egypt, standing outside one of the Great Pyramids, the setting sun casting its vast shadow. Castiel appears lost in thought as the sand swirls feebly at his feet, hands in the pockets of his trench coat, his back to Balthazar.

"If you're looking for more stolen weapons, you know you could have just asked...I assure you I didn't hide any in there. I gave you everything."

"Balthazar."

He hates how much he loves hearing Castiel speak his name, already making him quiver with need.

"Cas."

Castiel turns around to face him, his eyes colder than ice, posture as stiff as always. He's so closed off, Balthazar frowns, still not used to this new version of what Castiel has become.

"Why are you here? I told you to wait for further instructions."

"Yes, and that's all well and good...you know how I _adore_ following your orders, but this isn't about any of that," Balthazar says, slowly slinking towards him.

"If you have no news on the war and you aren't here to offer strategic advice, I have no time for it," Castiel replies, backing up as Balthazar continues advancing on him.

"Oh, I have plenty of advice, just not about your precious war," Balthazar states, approaching steadily until Castiel stumbles, his back pressed up against the side of the pyramid.

"Balthazar, there isn't the time for this. I'm very busy-"

"Do you remember?" Balthazar cuts him off, arms boxing Castiel in against the bricks, leaning over him seductively, their faces no more than an inch apart.

_He hasn't flown away yet. There's hope._

Castiel is breathing hard, his chest rising and falling rapidly, big blue eyes staring up at Balthazar with a mixture of fear and unwanted lust.

"Cas, do you remember how I used to touch you? How I used to make you feel?"

"Bal-"

"Do you remember how I used to make you come for hours, chanting my name in our native tongue?"

"Please, stop," Castiel whimpers, cheeks blushing a pretty pink.

"Do you remember how much you loved me, how you promised to be mine for all eternity?" Balthazar continues, falling further forward so his forehead rests against Castiel's.

"Tell me you don't remember us, tell me you don't love me..."

Castiel's voice cracks as he says, "Of course I remember."

"Tell me you don't love me," Balthazar's lips are only a millimeter away.

There's a long pause, filled with unbelievable tension as they stare at each other. Castiel's eyes drop down to Balthazar's lips, making him almost lose control, kissing Castiel breathless without an answer, but he's too paralyzed with curiosity. Balthazar allows himself to bring a hand towards Castiel's face, brushing the back of his fingers gently across his still flushed cheek. Castiel looks as if he's going to break, leaning into the caress as his breath hitches.

Castiel's eyes flicker back up to meet Balthazar's, his rough voice rasping out, "I...I don't love you..."

And he's gone.

Balthazar collapses forward against the ancient structure, "Bloody Hell, Cas!"

~

Balthazar didn't expect it to go well on the first attempt, Castiel loves to play hard to get, and maybe that's always been part of the appeal, Balthazar a total sucker for a good chase. He also knows Castiel's last few words are a lie, the bastard is just trying to hurt him, hurt him like Balthazar did to him a lifetime ago.

For his second attempt, Balthazar needs to up his game, because apparently, getting Cassie all hot and bothered isn't enough, it's a good start though.

He locates Castiel inside the home of that half wit Bobby Singer, playing 'hunter' with his two pets.

Perfect.

Balthazar blips himself inside, landing in the middle of the living room, smirking as he realizes he's the center of attention.

"Hello, darling," he says to Castiel, ignoring everyone else.

"What does this place look like? An damn angel convention? Outta my house, ya idjit!" Bobby threatens, already grabbing a knife to make a banishing sigil.

"Oh, calm your knickers, I'm just here to to collect on a very old debt."

"Balthazar." It's a warning, Castiel's voice sounds dangerous.

"Well, we're kinda busy right now, can't you do this later?" Sam chimes in from over on the couch, arms folded over his chest.

"By looks of how things are going upstairs...no, it _can't_ wait until later. We very may all be dead soon, fighting the good fight, bringing peace to the galaxy, blah, blah, blah..."

"It's that bad?" Dean asks, looking at Castiel with concern.

Castiel doesn't answer, averting the hunter's eyes, squirming under the spotlight. Emotional constipation and too much pride prevent Castiel from admitting Balthazar's right. The war _is_ going badly, their deaths looming, the end of the world inevitable.

He can't remember the last time he did it, but now seems like a fun time, Balthazar speaks telepathically, invading Castiel's mind.

_Haven't told your apes the end is nigh? I understand, we wouldn't want them to find out you can't protect them anymore, they might deem you useless and toss you aside..._

Castiel remains silent, not answering the voice in his head or Dean's question.

"Cas? Look, buddy, if things are that bad you gotta tell us, don't keep us in the dark," Dean adds seriously.

_Buddy? Very affectionate, so is that what you prefer these days? I rather thought you liked my nicknames a bit better. He doesn't want you darling, he wants someone with soft breasts and a hot pussy, two things your stunning body doesn't offer. And don't even think about abandoning that gorgeous vessel, it won't help, it'll just make you a stranger. You're perfect the way you are._

"Things could be better, Raphael currently has the advantage. But I have a plan," Castiel explains, ignoring the things Balthazar's filling his head with.

"Can we help?" Sam offers.

"No, it's taken care of, but thank you," Castiel says quickly.

Dean nods his head in understanding, taking a sip of the whiskey he's been holding.

_So quick to move on, he won't even fight for you. You're on you're own, Cassie, well except for me, you'll always have little old me._

"Can you collect on this damn debt of yours already? I've got a date with a book on Alpha lore and only four hours 'til I conk out. So let's move this thing along," Bobby finally says, clearly annoyed.

"Speaking of dates, that's why I'm here. C'mon Cassie, one last dance, for old times sake," Balthazar says smoothly, with a small crooked smile.

Castiel looks mortified, his eyes bouncing back and forth between every other person in the room.

"Are you freakin' kidding me? We've been waitin' around so you could ask him out on a _date?"_ Bobby laughs.

"So...you guys are like a thing?" Sam asks, attempting to hold back any signs of amusement.

"Seriously, Cas? This douche?" Dean says, smiling and taking another swig.

"It was a very long time ago," Castiel chokes out. "And I don't owe you anything."

Sam and Dean exchange looks of surprised entertainment, before Dean asks, "So how does that work exactly, with two angels-"

"Do I look like Jerry Springer? OUT!" Bobby yells, cutting off Dean's inappropriate question.

"I apologize for his intrusion, Bobby. It won't happen again," Castiel says angrily.

Before anyone can respond, Castiel flies off with Balthazar in tow.

They crash land into a secluded alleyway, who knows how far away from Bobby's house. Castiel slams Balthazar against the nearest wall, knocking over a garbage can in the process.

"How dare you act like this. Barging into that house, making me look a fool. What is wrong with you?" Castiel says, inches from Balthazar's face, his deep voice echoing in the darkness.

"You should know better than to think I'd ever give up on us, you're worth all this kerfuffle." Balthazar replies, arms snaking around Castiel's waist, slipping beneath his trench coat.

Castiel doesn't pull away, but he sighs, struggling so hard not to enjoy the feeling of his old lover's hands on him.

"Why? Why now, during the war, after all this time? Why are you back? I lost you...I mourned you...I forced myself to accept life without you...this isn't fair..."

Castiel is whispering now, eyes watering as he presses closer, their hips connected. Balthazar feels warmth spreading throughout his vessel, Castiel's proximity lighting him up like a firework. However, Balthazar's arousal is quickly flattened when a rush of guilt overcomes him, guilt over hurting Castiel so horribly. He thinks about being in the reverse situation, shivering at the thought of having to mourn Castiel's death, only to find out he lied just to run away.

"I know, I'm sorry," is all he can manage.

"You should be," Castiel croaks, before disappearing with a sound of flurrying wings.

~

So attempt number two ended up being a little more emotional than Balthazar anticipated. Deciding to give the other angel some space, he lays low for a while, camping out in the apartment that came included with his vessel. The poor bloke didn't survive Balthazar's possession, the angel accidentally frying up his insides upon arrival, one second of lax concentration and it cost the human his life. He plans on using it for the remainder of his time on Earth, not letting the man's ultimate sacrifice be in vain.

A week passes with no contact from Castiel, leaving Balthazar to stew in his own mistakes, obsessed with finding some clever way to make it up to him.

In the mean time, he's experimenting with his home bar, whipping himself up a new cocktail, planning on testing every alcoholic beverage this place has to offer. With a loud clatter, he drops the bottle of tequila he's pouring, when he senses it.

Castiel is hurt. He's in Heaven, fallen in battle.

Balthazar zooms out of there, racing up to Heaven in an instant. He can barely believe his eyes when he arrives, a mess of dead angels lay everywhere, their wings burned harshly into the ground all around them.

He sweeps the battlefield, looking for Castiel amongst the sea of bodies. Panic and anxiety consume him, recognizing every single one of these angels, his brothers and sisters, slain for nothing.

"Cas! Castiel! CAS!"

Balthazar tries, but his voice begins failing, this is a nightmare, he wants to leave this disaster, but he can't. This time Balthazar's not leaving without him.

Traveling through Heaven's massive landscape, he eventually comes across some angels who are still actively fighting, Raphael among them. Instinctively, Balthazar unsheathes his angel blade and frees his wings, ready to defend himself on pure adrenaline. He hasn't really fought in ages, his skills definitely rusty, but he's going to try.

"So, the coward returns. Come to die, Balthazar? Or perhaps I should give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you're here to join me?"

"Raphael, so nice to see you again! Glad to know you haven't changed much, drunk with power you don't know how to use, delusional, egotistical, shall I continue?" Balthazar is circling him, his natural born confidence the only thing keeping him going.

"I see, so you've come to die. Wrong choice, Balthy, because the war's over. But if you prefer, you're free to join your slut, I just killed him. It's over," Raphael sneers, looking completely insane, his Grace twisted into something evil.

Balthazar doesn't believe him, he can't, not until he sees for himself.

"Oh, come now, don't be salty because you haven't gotten laid in over a millennia, jealousy doesn't suit you..." Balthazar babbles, before lunging at him, their blades clashing with a defeating gong.

Balthazar fights like a man with nothing left to lose, his huge opaline wings attacking the archangel with precision, using passion as his best weapon. They dance around one another, Raphael with the clear advantage, beating relentlessly on Balthazar, slicing his wings to shreds and ripping out a portion of his Grace.

"You stupid bastard, you can't beat me! You're weak and out of shape, a poor excuse for a warrior," Raphael taunts him, knocking Balthazar down and pinning him underneath his bronze feathers.

Raphael is correct, his wings being triple the size of Balthazar's and his skills much more fine tuned.

Balthazar's going to lose, he's going to die. He's going to die alone, without fixing his mistakes, without Castiel.

"I pity you, Ralphie, you'll never know true happiness, never know what the great game is all about. Castiel fights for freedom, you nitwit, while you're just clinging to Dad's original bedtime story..."

Balthazar sputters the harsh words with trouble, his many wounds slowly killing him. Closing his eyes, he transports his mind somewhere else, making sure his last thoughts are about Castiel, about his beauty and his perfect light.

"Good night, Balthazar, say hello to-"

Raphael's voice is interrupted when he is suddenly attacked, being thrown off Balthazar and drawn back into the thick of the fighting.

"Castiel lives!" Someone shouts.

It's all a blur after that, voices yelling in both victory and defeat, it's getting darker, he's losing consciousness.

_Castiel lives._

~

Balthazar is hallucinating, because there's no way the vision in front of him is real. Castiel's face is inches above his, baby blue orbs filled with worry as he stares down at him, gentle fingers carding through Balthazar's curly blonde locks.

"Cassie?" Balthazar slurs, he feels weak.

"Yes, Bal, I'm here," Castiel replies, placing a feather light kiss on his forehead before standing to leave. "You need rest."

Balthazar feels dizzy, and it has nothing to do with the borrowed Grace that's currently coursing through his veins, working overtime to heal his injuries. Castiel just kissed him, he stayed with him, stroked his hair, _saved him._

Balthazar can hear Castiel conversing with someone from across the room, too far away to make out the words. He takes in his surroundings, it looks like they're in a warehouse, multiple sloppily painted sigils covering the walls, warding them from anyone unwanted getting in. There's cushions beneath him, but they're thin and uncomfortable, he must be laying on some sort of makeshift bed. He wants Castiel to come back, but he's too tired to call for him.

_Darling, please._

Castiel turns his head towards Balthazar, before motioning for the man beside him to accompany him back over to the bed. As they get closer, Balthazar recognizes the second person as the angel Samandriel. He's so much bigger now.

Samandriel was one of the last angels to be created, nothing more than child when Balthazar left. He always had a soft spot for the kid, his sweet demeanor and constant motivation to please his elders, made him alright in Balthazar's opinion.

"Tell me what happened," Balthazar says softly.

"I told you to rest," Castiel replies, sitting down and taking Balthazar's hand. The warmth it provides feels good, desperate for anything Castiel will give him.

"How do you expect me to rest with you looking all worried about me? No, I think I'll take my chances and enjoy this," Balthazar says, smiling and squeezing Castiel's hand. "Tell me what happened, love."

"Samandriel rescued us, he's the only reason we survived. He and his garrison arrived just in time. He found me first, healing my injuries rather quickly. But I was not hurt nearly as bad as you," Castiel explains sadly, tracing the length of Balthazar's body with his eyes. "Apparently, Raphael must have exaggerated about my condition."

Balthazar's heart fills with gratitude, an even stronger appreciation for Samandriel growing inside him. "Ah, my favorite cherub, comes through in a clutch."

_You saved him, thank you._

Samandriel blushes at the praise, both verbal and nonverbal. Laughing nervously he says, "Oh, it was nothing. I've always liked you guys, plus Castiel's cause is worth fighting for."

"His heart's in the right place, even if he's a total ass sometimes," Balthazar chuckles, a small cough escaping his lips.

"I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem," Samandriel says, twiddling his thumbs, looking anywhere but at the two angels in front of him.

"I _am_ still in the room," Castiel blurts out, looking mildly annoyed.

Samandriel giggles, his cheeks blushing an even deeper shade of red before announcing, "Well, I need to go tend to more of the wounded, I'll leave you two alone."

Samandriel knows about them, knows he and Castiel were lovers, yet he accepts them despite Heaven's strict law. Balthazar's proud to have him on their side of the fight. They both watch as pure, white fuzzy wings, whisk the young angel away, creating a new stillness in the room.

Balthazar's grip on Castiel's hand hasn't lost any of it's strength, haunted eyes gazing up at him with a rare vulnerability. He only trusts Castiel to see him like this.

"Please don't leave me here. Cas, stay with me," Balthazar begs, sounding so unlike his usual cocky self.

Castiel shifts his body into a horizontal position, sliding under Balthazar's arm and resting his head over the other angel's chest. One of Castiel's legs swings over, possessively covering him, protecting him.

They lay in silence for a couple minutes, Balthazar hugging Castiel closer to him, unconsciously rubbing their feet together and nestling his nose in the mess of his dark fluffy hair.

"Why did you go back to Heaven? I told you to remain on Earth, I need men on the ground too," Castiel asks.

"You know how I _hate_ being left out, why should I miss all the fun and let you take all the credit?" Balthazar jokes.

"Bal..."

"Oh, alright, I knew you were hurt, had to try and save you didn't I?"

"Well, it almost killed you. Fighting Raphael on your own has got to be the most reckless thing you've ever done. And you're pretty much the expert in reckless."

"Hah, I think you're confusing me with _you._ I may have invented reckless behavior, but you perfected it." He chuckles, burying his lips deep inside the sea of black hairs, kissing his scalp sweetly.

"I don't want to lose you twice."

Balthazar's heast skips a beat as he says, "Darling, I told you, you'll always have me."

~

After a few days pass, leaving Balthazar feeling completely renewed, Samandriel's Grace helping to revitalize him. Things between himself and Castiel are improving as well, a refreshing change of pace due to the fact that they aren't fighting, Castiel's behavior is much more warm and open towards him. Balthazar can practically feel Castiel's desire whenever he's near, teetering on the verge of crossing the very thin line of reaching intimacy again. He knows the game won't last much longer, they need each other.

However, Castiel's behavior concerning the war is becoming extremely alarming. The war continues to go poorly, yet their beloved commander doesn't look worried in the slightest. He's too confident, assuring everyone that things are well under control. Castiel's planning something but he won't breathe a word of it, not to Balthazar, not to anyone. Which makes Balthazar worried, fearing that more and more of the Castiel he loves is slipping away, becoming consumed by his obsession with the war. Balthazar pushes these thoughts away, convincing himself that everything's fine, that Castiel will be fine.

At the moment, they're both back in Balthazar's apartment, Castiel working on strategy, coming up with their next plan of attack. But unfortunately, Balthazar is too distracted by the adorable way Castiel's eyebrows are wiggling in concentration, to give a flying fuck about the damn war.

The lamp in the corner fills the room with a warm, orange glow, Castiel sitting at the desk reading up on lore, while Balthazar rests comfortably in an arm chair, sipping a scotch, just watching him. Castiel is used to Balthazar staring at him, feeling relatively unaffected under his gaze while he studies.

"When was the last time you did something fun?" Balthazar asks him, the first words spoken between them in over an hour.

"What?"

"Fun, Castiel, you've heard of it, haven't you?" Balthazar laughs, swishing around the last inch of liquid left in his glass, before downing it in one gulp.

Castiel simply narrows his eyes, glaring at him with silent annoyance.

"Okay...how about the last time you did something, anything, that didn't pertain to a Winchester's needs or Raphael's blood bath?"

Castiel scowls as he thinks for a moment, his mouth twitches like he's about to say something, but at the last second he stops himself. Apparently, he can't think of anything.

"That's what I thought. Cas, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..."

Castiel tilts his head in confusion, "Who is Jack?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, you're lucky you're pretty," Balthazar says, placing down his empty glass and walking over to the desk. "Tonight, the world is ours and we're going to have some bloody fun...like we used to."

"I appreciate your efforts, but there really isn't time-"

"Cas, I'm not asking." Balthazar interrupts, holding out his hand.

Castiel looks at the hand extended towards him, exhaling a sigh of defeat he returns his attention to Balthazar's grinning face. "Just for a few hours," Castiel agrees, accepting his hand by taking it inside his own.

"That's all we need."

~

Flying together is one of Balthazar's favorite things, they used to do it all the time. Their hands still locked, he smiles when he realizes Castiel's not letting go, trusting Balthazar to lead them to the destination. He shivers when he feels their wings brush against one another's, midnight black against pearly opal.

The air is crisp, their vision filled with a white snowy landscape, not another soul in sight. Balthazar botches the landing on purpose, making him and Castiel tumble through the frozen wasteland. Castiel is draped on top of him, his dark hair already dusted with fluffy white flakes, he looks pissed.

"This is not what I expected," Castiel says, squinting as he surveys the area, still straddling him. "Alaska?"

"That's the whole point, and yes," Balthazar replies, flipping them over so he's on top now. "Let's have a snowball fight."

"Bal-"

"Look, you're _mine_ for the next few hours, so no complaining, no pouting, no talk of war, just please try to enjoy everything. I promise, it'll be fun," Balthazar says, before Eskimo kissing Castiel's nose. "Okay?"

"Okay," Castiel agrees, and although he can't really feel it, his vessel reacts to the coldness, cheeks and nose becoming stained with pink.

Balthazar rolls off of him, grabbing a small chunk of snow, he balls it up in his fists. "Cas, you need to remember how to play again. Dad literally created the perfect playground, it'd be a shame to not use it."

"And throwing snow at one another is the proper way to 'play'?" Castiel asks, smirking now as he stands to gathers his own snow.

_The little shit!_

Balthazar doesn't answer, he instead hurls a perfectly rounded clump of snow, hitting Castiel square in the chest.

Castiel looks down at his splattered clothing and let's out a small laugh. He retaliates with a speedy curveball, to which Balthazar dodges at the last second.

They chase each other for a few minutes, throwing and dodging, Balthazar feeling more happy than he's felt in ten lifetimes. He's missed Castiel like this, silly and care free. Sure, he's always been a serious creature, but with Balthazar he used to let go, they used to bring out the best in each other.

Balthazar yelps in pain and drops to the ground dramatically when Castiel accidentally hits him in the face with a rather large snowball. Castiel to rushes over to him immediately, already rambling an apology.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aiming-"

"Shh, it's okay, Cassie, I know you would never try to intentionally damage this handsome vessel," Balthazar stops him, still laying on the ground. "But maybe you could just check to make sure I'm not seriously injured..."

"You seem to be fine," Castiel says, still genuinely concerned.

"I think I might have a concussion, better check closer," he whines.

Castiel's expression changes from worried to unamused in less than a second. However, he scoots closer regardlessly, touching Balthazar's face and inspecting him carefully.

"Closer," Balthazar breathes, his smile cancelling out any actual chance that he might really be hurt.

Balthazar's smile is infectious, Castiel's mouth reluctantly curling into one of his own, leaning down, his eyes darken as the space between them decreases. "Was this your big plan for tonight? To drag me out here, throw handfuls of frozen water around, and pretend to be hurt?" Castiel whispers, little puffs of air hitting Balthazar's lips.

"Is it working?" He asks, his tongue peeking out to wet his bottom lip.

"Maybe."

Balthazar snakes his arms around Castiel's back, pulling him fully on top of him. "Ready for the next stop?"

"If you insist," Castiel feigns annoyance.

~

He shoots off the ground, flying a million miles an hour, still chest to chest with Castiel, holding him tightly as they journey across the world to their new location.

Balthazar's landing is much more careful than the last time, squeezing them both into the cramped space of a dirty public bathroom stall. Castiel appears winded and confused, but he doesn't squirm away, content to be pressed up against Balthazar's warmth.

"How romantic," Castiel jokes, resting his forehead on Balthazar's shoulder. Castiel slowly noses his way along Balthazar's collar bone until he reaches his neck, lips hovering as he asks, "Where are we?"

"A club in New York City...I want to dance with you."

Before Castiel can reply, a toilet in the adjacent stall flushes loudly, causing them both to snicker. Every time Castiel laughs, Balthazar feels young again, like the world is fresh and new, not on the brink of completely blowing to shit.

"Look, I couldn't just fly us directly onto the dance floor. People tend to freak out when you appear out of thin air," Balthazar explains, still laughing.

"I've never been to a club." Castiel's hands slowly creep from behind Balthazar's back to rest on his pecs, rubbing them sensually through the thin fabric of his v-neck.

The back of Balthazar's head hits the wall, gasping slightly at Castiel's advances. "Really, you? I would have thought you the expert in clubbing."

"No, I always knew I could leave the more degenerate activities in your capable hands," Castiel quips back, pushing his hips closer.

"Well, would you would know all about my 'capable hands'."

"You must really love the sound of your own voice," Castiel says, finally pressing his lips onto the thin skin of Balthazar's neck, leaving one singular kiss.

"I'll take that as a yes," Balthazar chokes out, trying to remain calm. "But you have to lose some of these ridiculous layers first, it's much hotter out there than it is in here."

"But I like my clothing," Castiel complains, lifting his head to make eye contact.

"Yes, darling, the trench coat is _very_ sexy, and I promise we can collect it later. But for now, trust me, you'll be much more comfortable."

"Fine," Castiel relents, as they fully break apart and exit the stall.

Castiel removes his beloved coat and suit jacket, tossing them aside, before Balthazar reattaches himself to his front again, loosening his already crooked tie and ruffling his hair.

"Much better."

They head to the bar first, Balthazar looping their elbows together as the walk. The place is extremely crowded, hundreds of sweaty bodies laughing and dancing to the booming music.

"The amount of alcohol I would have to consume to feel the desired effects is over ten times the size of what's in this drink," Castiel says, glaring at the foaming blue liquid in his cup.

"Is everything a science experiment with you? Drink the damn thing so we can dance," Balthazar chuckles, sucking down his own drink through a crazy straw, finishing it in only a couple of sips.

Castiel mirrors Balthazar's behavior, downing the entire drink quickly.

"You like?"

"That particular combination of molecules was indeed satisfying, thank you."

"Oh, you twat, let's go," he laughs, dragging Castiel out onto the dance floor.

They find the least crowded area, slotting against one another naturally, Balthazar places his hands on the waist in front of him, beginning to sway, while Castiel hooks his arms around Balthazar's neck, trying to keep with the rhythm, he's pouting.

"I don't like dancing," Castiel says loudly, his face turning more frustrated when he realizes the music is too loud for Balthazar to hear him.

_You used to like it quite a bit._

Balthazar uses their angelic telepathy to communicate with him, kissing his temple and pulling their hips closer using the loops on Castiel's slacks.

_I did...but it's more difficult with a vessel._

_Sure, sure...everything's more difficult with a vessel. But sometimes 'difficult' is worth it._

_Perhaps._

_C'mon, Cassie, it's just me, let go. Relax._

Balthazar flips Castiel around so his back is leaning against his chest, hands traveling all along his front, and grinding his crotch into the cozy of Castiel's ass. Castiel gasps at the other angel's arousal, his head lolling back to rest on Balthazar's shoulder, melting into his embrace as they dance.

_Is this what dancing is now? It used to be much more...innocent._

_Oh, please, we never did anything innocent._

After a song or two Castiel finally gets into it, relaxing as he wiggles to the beat, rubbing himself shamelessly all over Balthazar's body. The music is fun and upbeat, all the positive energy in the room surging through them. Seeing Castiel happy, without the burden of his recent stresses, was Balthazar's goal tonight. He just wants Castiel to be happy. And Balthazar knows him, knows him better than anyone will _ever_ know Castiel. He knows Castiel holds himself back, often getting caught up with duty and doing 'the right thing'. Balthazar pushes him out of his comfort zone, pushes him to try things he would never do on his own, urges him to be selfish sometimes, but most of all he forces Castiel to remember how to live again.

They're both sweating and panting, Balthazar working him into a frenzy, their need for each other growing every second. They still haven't kissed each other's lips yet, and it's driving Balthazar mad, Castiel remaining the biggest tease.

Balthazar decides it's time to move on, at this rate he's going to end up fucking Castiel right on the dance floor, and there's so much more he wants to do tonight first.

_Let's get out of here, wanna take you somewhere else._

Castiel doesn't say anything at first, he simply latches on and eventually whispers, "Then take me," directly into Balthazar's ear.

~

Balthazar can barely focus during this flight, the two of them enduring a rather turbulent and sloppy ride, due to the effect of Castiel's last words. They arrive on a beautiful sunny beach, the sand pristine and the water a clean turquoise.

"Bali. I love the beach."

"I know," Balthazar says quietly, threading his fingers through Castiel's hair, kissing him on the nose gently. "Cas, when was the last time you felt the ocean, felt the water soak your wings?"

"I don't know," Castiel says sadly, turning his head sideways to admire the water.

"Take these clothes off, swim with me," Balthazar requests, pulling lightly on his tie.

Castiel tears his attention away from the waves, gazing at Balthazar with intensity as he nods, already starting to unbutton his white dress shirt.

The buttons pop open one by one, tie unraveled, slowly revealing Castiel's smooth white chest, so many hidden lean muscles being exposed for the first time. Balthazar helps him shrug the shirt off of his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. When Castiel begins to unbuckle his belt, he pauses, looking nervous. It's hard to believe this is the same angel that was grinding all over him back in the night club, barely five minutes ago.

"Hey, we're just swimming, Cas," Balthazar assures him, lifting his chin up to meet his eyes.

"I've never taken these clothes off completely. I've never needed to."

Castiel's vessel has never been naked, he's never been intimate with another being besides Balthazar, eons ago. He feels weak from the thought, overwhelmed with possessiveness. Castiel is only _his_ to love, now and forever.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Tell me what you want."

"I...I want to kiss you."

__It's like falling in love all over again, back when they were young, sneaking around, full of excitement and anticipation. Balthazar smiles, tracing Castiel's bottom lip with his thumb, before asking, "Have you ever kissed someone before in this form?"_ _

__Castiel laughs, "Yes, actually. I kissed the demon Meg. It was nice."_ _

__"Oh, you deviant! Even I haven't kissed a demon! And they call me the scoundrel..."_ _

__Castiel smiles widely, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he replies with, "That's because you _are_ a scoundrel...can I kiss you now?"_ _

__"Please."_ _

__Castiel takes his time, cupping Balthazar's cheeks in both his hands, studying his face, his true face not the vessel. Balthazar blushes, and he _never_ blushes. Castiel tilts his head just a hair, leaning in and bringing their mouths together. His lips are rough and chapped, but Balthazar loves it, Castiel is kissing him and nothing in the world has ever felt better._ _

__Castiel's hands drift from their hold on his face to the back of his neck, playing with the small curls at the base and massaging his scalp. Balthazar tugs him closer, their bodies flat against one another, his hands exploring the nakedness of Castiel's back. His skin is creamy soft, Balthazar tracing the outline of all those toned muscles, their lips staying glued._ _

__They've done the equivalent of kissing before, many times, but it feels so different like this, controlled in these two separate bodies, making it incredibly more desperate, unable to blend into one._ _

__Castiel lets slip a tiny moan of pleasure, Balthazar peeking his tongue out, licking his way into Castiel's mouth. The clash of their tongues heightening their senses, tasting each other in a whole new way._ _

__"Bal..." Castiel gasps, pulling away._ _

__"Mm?" He whines in response, not ready for it to be over yet._ _

__"I'm ready to swim now."_ _

_Bastard._

__He laughs, feeling completely high from their kiss, pecking his lips sweetly one last time before saying, "Good, how about we race?"_ _

__"I've always been faster than you," Castiel says confidently, kicking off his shoes and socks._ _

__"That's because I let you win, love. Besides, my wings are larger," Balthazar says, removing his blazer and shirt._ _

__"That's inaccurate. My wings include approximately seven hundred more feathers than yours, resulting in an span of an extra two inches," Castiel tells him, slipping off his belt and pants._ _

__"I didn't know you paid such detailed attention to my wings..." Balthazar looks smug, removing his tight black jeans._ _

__The only clothing remaining is their boxer briefs, Castiel's white and Balthazar's black._ _

__Castiel invades his space, "They're the most elegant wings I've ever seen. I know the proper placement of each individual feather, I've memorized each brilliant shade of opal they change between, covering the whole spectrum in the light...more colorful and beautiful than a rainbow. Believe me, I've groomed them enough," Castiel rambles, grabbing both Balthazar's hands, kissing his earlobe delicately before adding, "But mine are bigger."_ _

__He zooms off after that, releasing Balthazar's hands and heading for the water. Before Balthazar can even fully react, Castiel is looking back as he runs, smiling and laughing, calling his name._ _

__The image is powerful, it's as if time has slowed to a brief stop, Balthazar content to watch him as always, Castiel's Grace practically glowing through his skin as he shouts Balthazar's name, begging him to join him. He's never been more in love with Castiel than in this moment, absolutely terrified to continue on, scared to feel anything more intense than this, because he might just shatter._ _

__But if Balthazar has to to break, if he must inevitably lose himself, he'd want it to be because of Castiel. From the moment he laid eyes on the other angel, Balthazar's somehow always known that he's destined to spiral completely out of control over him, accepting his fate as he slowly falls down the rabbit hole._ _

__Balthazar's convinced himself that his entire purpose since the dawn of time has simply been to _love_ Castiel, to willingly give him all that he has, for as long as Castiel will allow him, and even after that, Balthazar would never stop. He could never stop loving him._ _

__"Bal? You coming?"_ _

__Balthazar snaps out of his trance, making his way across the beach, "Yes, darling, always."_ _

__When Balthazar catches up, he accepts Castiel's outstretched hand, strolling together toward the ocean. The first touch of cool water feeling refreshing against the contrast of the burning hot sand._ _

__They swim far out, diving under the salty water, laughing as they splash each other. As the waves roll over them, it feels purifying, like a cleanse, washing away their worries and further removing them from reality._ _

__Balthazar feels the tickle of seaweed, along with the brush of many tiny vibrant fish, swirling around their legs. Floating on his back, he stares up at the sky, feeling small under the vastness of knowing what lies beyond the clouds. Castiel joins him, taking his hand, and floating together in comfortable silence._ _

__After a couple minutes, Castiel finally says lowly, "I wish this didn't have to end."_ _

__Balthazar is not having this conversation right now. Sure, he's not a fool, every day can't be fantasyland, there _is_ still a war to deal with as well as plenty of angels that are hunting them at every turn. But tonight's not over yet, and the he doesn't want the mood to change to heartache and pain. _ _

__"Hush, love," Balthazar sits up, treading the water lightly, beckoning Castiel to come closer to him._ _

__Castiel drifts over, allowing himself to be scooped up into Balthazar's embrace, immediately falling into another kiss. Their mouths much less exploratory this time, this kiss is about desperation, about trying to hold onto one another. Balthazar betrays his own advice, falling victim to the emotions he's been trying to hold back. He thinks about how he left Castiel, about how he wasted so much time, time they could have spent together, happy. The final straw is when he thinks about losing him again, that recurring bad feeling feasting in the back of his mind, gnawing at him._ _

_The war is consuming him, stop ignoring the signs and do something, save him._

__"How could I have left you? How could I-" Balthazar chokes, failing to keep the mood light. "My Cas-"_ _

__He's visibly crumbling now, years of playing the cocky asshole, of pretending he doesn't feel like other's do, catching up. "I'm sorry, I should have never left. I should have stayed with you, like I promised I always would. So much time wasted, I was so stupid. Castiel, I love you, never leaving you again."_ _

__He whispers everything extremely quickly and quietly directly into Castiel's mouth, a single tear slipping out unnoticed amongst the other water droplets on his face. Castiel kisses him harder in response, swallowing the words and hiding them away._ _

__"Balthazar."_ _

__It's all Castiel needs to say. Balthazar knows that tone, taking off with a loud splash, leaving the beach miles away within less than a second. Kissing while flying is better than any drugs the humans have ever come up with, and Balthazar's tried pretty much all of them at this point. He lets instinct guide them, speeding through time and space, bringing Castiel to one of the most beautiful spots the Earth has to offer._ _

~

__It barely registers when they arrive, Balthazar too wrapped up inside Castiel's warmth to even notice they're not flying anymore. Castiel pulls away, eager to see their new location, smiling fondly when he takes in the glorious image._ _

__The two angel's stand on the edge of a tall cliff in Australia, overlooking a magnificent waterfall. The peaceful sounds of pure nature surround them, birds singing in harmony, water running smoothly, it's truly beautiful._ _

__"You like?" Balthazar asks, nipping Castiel's ear lobe._ _

__"Yes," he breathes, lots of tiny gasps escaping his lips as Balthazar continues kissing his ear and neck._ _

__"Cassie, please, need to feel you again, all of you."_ _

__"Yes, Balthazar," Castiel whimpers, pressing their semi hard cocks together. The wet, thin layer of their underwear is all that separates them, their arousal growing._ _

__Balthazar is peppering every inch of Castiel's neck with small licks and kisses as he adds, "Let's make love."_ _

__"Ahh..." Castiel groans as the other angel begins palming him, gently. Balthazar's always so gentle._ _

__"Talk to me, darling, you've been so quiet," Balthazar guides Castiel's hand toward his own hardness, encouraging him to touch him. "Tell me you miss me, tell me you want me...Cassie, tell me you love me."_ _

__"You know I do."_ _

__"Indulge me," Balthazar coos, bending lower to take an already stiff nipple into his mouth. Castiel gasps, his free hand carding his fingers through the blonde curls._ _

__"You want me to tell you that I missed you so badly I almost died? Or maybe you want to know how crazy you drive me...how you make me want things I've _never_ wanted from another being? I can feel your jealousy, Balthazar, there's no reason for it. You know that I need you, I defiled myself to be with you...and I'd do it over and over again, until we're dripping with sin. You know why? Because I love you, against all odds, I _love_ you, Balthazar."_ _

__Balthazar's heart is twisting, not able to handle the words he's hearing. He's heard similar confessions such as this one from Castiel before, but it's been ages, and it feels so good to hear it this fresh, absolutely craving the confirmation. Abandoning his now abused nipple, Balthazar reattaches himself to Castiel's lips, kissing him lovingly while whispering in Enochian._ _

__Balthazar's instructing him to lay down on the smooth patch of grass, to remove the last rag of his clothing, to spread his legs and let Balthazar suck, touch, and lick, every inch of his body. He's telling Castiel how he's going to eat out his pretty hole, planning on making him soaking wet before he slips his cock inside. Balthazar pants the words as they lower themselves to the ground, still rambling about how he's going to fuck Castiel slowly, leave him a begging mess, pretty and ruined on his big cock._ _

__Castiel always falls apart when Balthazar talks dirty, keening at the filth he whispers, just for him, so passionate and unstoppable. And it's just so much dirtier spoken in their the primary language, Balthazar chanting the sinful words that no angel should ever think about, let alone speak to another._ _

__And Castiel is no stranger at coming up with his own way to make Balthazar shiver, knowing every button to push, knowing exactly how he likes it. Even after all this time, Castiel proves he remembers exactly how they used to love each other._ _

__Castiel obliges the request, laying flat on the natural Earth, after slipping out of his underwear. He's waiting to be worshipped, ready to be taken by his lover. "You like me like this?"_ _

__The question makes Balthazar's dick jump, Castiel's chosen words are relatively innocent, but their delivery is anything but, the look in his hooded eyes, the way his fingertips brush lightly over his own nipples, the tiny thrust of his hips that makes his cock bob teasingly. He knows how to orchestrate the perfect combination of good and evil, something that is so deliciously _Castiel_ , that Balthazar's in danger of forgetting his own name._ _

__"I like you _any_ way," Balthazar replies, settling between Castiel's legs, looking hungrily at his heavy cock and tight puckered hole._ _

__"You are such a gift," Balthazar drips wet kisses all along the other angel's thigh, making his approach agonizingly slow. "How did I get so lucky?"_ _

__"Luck had nothing to do with it, it's more likely that your constant pestering eventually drove me to madness," Castiel jokes, wiggling his hips impatiently._ _

__"Oh, honey, you're an addict for madness," Balthazar laughs, ending his assault of tantalizing kisses and finally licking a long stripe over Castiel's entrance._ _

__"BAL!" Castiel yelps, clenching his cheeks and scooting away slightly._ _

__"Cas?"_ _

__"I'm sorry...that was just a little overwhelming."_ _

__Castiel is caught between this bizarre mix of being a virgin and having the knowledge and enthusiasm of an experienced lover. He knows how to act, what to say, what he wants, but he is not prepared for the new physical sensations that follow. Engaging in carnal pleasures of the flesh is much different than the fluidic, rather spiritual, way they used to bind their Grace together._ _

__"Do you want to stop?"_ _

__"No, it was a good overwhelming, please continue."_ _

__Balthazar chuckles a little to himself as he thinks of how literal Castiel can be sometimes, treating Balthazar tongue fucking his ass like a very serious business transaction._ _

__He plunges in, licking around and over the outer rim slowly, making sure to coat every inch of Castiel's pucker with his saliva. Castiel is groaning, ripping at the grass, his back arching as he repeats Balthazar's name._ _

__Soon, Balthazar's tongue explores further, breaching his hole and slipping inside. Swirling it around, he licks Castiel's inner walls, moaning at how sweet he tastes. He reaches for Castiel's cock, starting to pump his bare length in time with his tongue, years of engaging in sexual pleasuring, practicing his skills and techniques on meaningless humans, making Balthazar the expert._ _

__Castiel is older, he always maintained a higher in rank in the wars, often being Balthazar's commander. He loves following Castiel, ready to obey and serve him in any way he may require. But typically, Balthazar has always been more dominant one in their sexual relationship. He loves seeing Castiel melt for him, exposing the more vulnerable side of him, hearing him beg, listening to his frantic little gasps._ _

__With a safe place to hide from the expectations of the war and practically endless stamina, Balthazar has no reason to stop or hurry things along. He takes his time, lapping at Castiel's most intimate part, softening him up, molding his muscles into jello._ _

__Castiel stops destroying the grass long enough to bury his hands in Balthazar's hair, pushing and pulling roughly, "Bal, so good, feels so good."_ _

__Balthazar continues stroking his cock and rimming him hungrily, stabbing his tongue in and out, determined to give Castiel maximum pleasure. Balthazar's clothed cock is throbbing painfully, crushed between his own weight and the ground. He attempts to gain some friction by grinding himself into the dirt, moaning as he drowns himself in Castiel's ass._ _

__"I need to touch you...come here," Castiel whines, grabbing at Balthazar's shoulders, trying to hoist him forward._ _

__Balthazar reluctantly comes up for air, allowing himself to be draped over Castiel and pulled into a kiss. The kiss is all tongue and teeth, sloppily panting as they nip at each other's lips._ _

__"You like tasting yourself on me?" Balthazar asks,_ _

__Castiel growls lowly, sucking on Balthazar's tongue, sticking his hand beneath his underwear. "Why are you still wearing these?" He almost sounds offended, as he wraps his hand around Balthazar's weeping cock, starting a slow rhythm._ _

__"F-fuck, ahh, Cas!"_ _

__"I want to see it...I don't like this angle," Castiel announces, removing his hand and pulling at the black fabric._ _

__Balthazar nearly sobs at the loss of Castiel's hand, he barely got five strokes in before stopping. "It's always been your way or the highway..." Balthazar complains, as he tosses the garment away, crawling up Castiel's body to straddle his chest._ _

__"I fail to see how the highway-"_ _

__"Cas!" Balthazar stops him, pressing the tip of his dick to Castiel's mouth, a small bead of pre come dribbling onto his bottom lip. "I believe you wanted to 'see it'...well, love, here it is. Is it everything you'd hoped for?"_ _

__Castiel takes his cock in hand, pulling it away from his lips slightly to get a better look. He slowly massages the shaft back and forth, looking at it with obvious lust. "It is very large...and wet." Castiel's tongue peeks out, wiping the pre come off his lip and into his mouth. He moans at the taste, closing his eyes, his tongue dips out again, looking for more._ _

__"Fucking Hell, Cas..."_ _

__Castiel's gaze travels from Balthazar's cock up to his eyes, two different shades of blue mixing together, both swirling dark with arousal. "Can I suck on you?"_ _

__Balthazar's not going to last one more bloody second if Castiel keeps this up. This slutty innocence is too much, Castiel is perfect, and Balthazar's losing it._ _

__"Open," is all he can choke out._ _

__Castiel obeys, lips parting wide as Balthazar helps guide the cock into his waiting mouth, their eye contact never breaking._ _

__Castiel's mouth is hot, engulfing him in liquid fire, he begins to suck weakly, quickly learning how to do it. Stretching around Balthazar's wide girth, his plump pink lips are absolutely _made_ for sucking cock. He uses his tongue to lick the head, poking into the slit, he drinks up the rest of the pre come._ _

__"Cas, so good."_ _

__Balthazar wants to fuck his face, hold the back of Castiel's neck as he comes hard down his throat, but he won't. Balthazar's never been rough with Castiel, and he never will be, always caressing him with care, loving him tenderly, and showering him with gentle affection. So Balthazar lets Castiel create the pace, lets him suckle sweetly, listening as he makes all those tiny sounds of enjoyment, surrounding his length with wicked vibrations._ _

__Drool starts to leak down the corner of Castiel's mouth as he sucks, his mouth a wet sloppy cavern of heat, taking more of his cock inside him, swallowing deeper._ _

_Are you going to fuck me? Will you, Bal? I want to feel you fill me up. I've missed you inside me, felt so empty without you._

__Castiel's telepathic words swim around Balthazar's head as he watches in awe as his dick disappears inside his mouth, rosy cheeks hollowing out as he nurses harder._ _

_Yes, my love._

_Do it, take me now. I trust you._

__On the inside Balthazar is falling to pieces, but on the outside he remains cool, cupping Castiel's cheek, cleaning up some of the saliva with his thumb, as he slips his cock out._ _

__Worse than magnets, they're kissing again, their tongues flavored with each other's scent. Suddenly, Balthazar thinks about Dean Winchester, rage boiling inside his gut as he thinks of that lowly human leaving his dirty spunk inside Castiel's mouth. Jealousy bubbling dangerously when he thinks about Dean running his clunky paws all over Castiel's skin, solely using his body to get himself off, not able to appreciate his true beauty within._ _

_Balthazar, stay with me. Do not think of such things, Dean is a good friend, my brother, I don't want him, I only want you._

__He knows Castiel is telling the truth, whatever latent attraction the angel has for the Righteous Man, it pales in comparison to the way he glows for Balthazar._ _

__"Sorry, darling, can't help it," Balthazar pants, kissing a path all the way down Castiel's neck, torso, and hip bones, eventually settling back down between his legs. "Need to stretch you."_ _

__Castiel widens his thighs, presenting his still glistening hole, Balthazar's saliva combined with an effort from Castiel's grace, making him nice and slick. Balthazar gets straight to work, tongue sliding right back in, with the addition of a single finger._ _

__Castiel gasps, Balthazar's finger not as soft and pliant as his tongue, needing to get used to the intrusion. "Easy, Cassie, I'll go slow, make it feel so good for you..."_ _

__Balthazar's finger is lost in Castiel's tight hole, spreading him carefully, making sure to keep him nice and moist with his heated mouth._ _

__"I like this, give me more, please, Bal...more."_ _

__He adds a second, squeezing it inside as he works him open, loving how tight Castiel is, imagining what he's going to feel like encasing his cock._ _

__Eventually, Balthazar is able to fit three digits inside him, swallowing his neglected cock as he pumps his fingers inside him. Castiel's dick is slightly longer and thinner than Balthazar's, and he tastes delicious, taking him so deep he buries his nose in the tiny black curls around the base. Wiggling frantically, Castiel tries to fuck himself harder than what Balthazar's giving him, moaning as he feels the newly added pleasure from the heat of Balthazar's mouth on his cock._ _

_You ready, beautiful? Ready for my cock?_

__"YES, please! Balthazar, want you, need you...I- ahh, Bal..."_ _

__Satisfied with the babbling mess Castiel has become, Balthazar stops deep throating the other angel's throbbing cock and removes his fingers._ _

__"No...no! Don't stop!" Castiel looks panicked, clearly upset at the loss of fullness and warmth. "Don't leave me."_ _

__"Shh, shh, Cas, I'm right here..." Balthazar reassures him, prowling on top of him as he kisses his lips gently, while simultaneously using his grace to add some extra lubricant to his cock. "I told you, I'm yours forever...promise. I'll die before leaving you again."_ _

__Balthazar whispers the words with a sense of urgency behind them, desperate for Castiel to understand. Castiel's Grace is flooding out of him, enveloping the two of them in a haze of cozy togetherness. Balthazar almost collapses at the sensation of the other angel's Grace surrounding them, sharing in his openness and vulnerability, feeling how in love he is with him._ _

__He nudges Castiel's entrance with the tip of his slick cock, staring into those crystal blue orbs as he pushes in. Castiel hisses, gripping onto Balthazar's shoulders with force, nails digging into his skin as Balthazar continues on, inch by inch, filling him up._ _

__"You okay?" Balthazar asks, placing a kiss on Castiel's forehead._ _

__He simply nods in response, relaxing as his hole accepts more and more of Balthazar's cock, breathing out a tiny moan when he finally bottoms out._ _

__Balthazar doesn't move at first, trying very hard not to come instantaneously, he gives himself a moment to recuperate. Castiel is a furnace around him, their bodies connected in the closest way humanly possible. And It feels amazing to experience Castiel in this manner, hyper aware of every nerve in his vessel's body. Balthazar has stuck his dick inside pretty much any person that would let him, but it's never felt like this, he's mentally unprepared for how strong the connection between love and sex can be._ _

__"Bal?"_ _

__Castiel thrusts his pelvis a little, signaling Balthazar to snap out of the shock he's in and start fucking him. Balthazar pulls out almost all the way, dragging his dick inside Castiel, before plunging back in with a sharp snap of his hips. Castiel cries out, throwing his head back as Balthazar repeats the motion._ _

__His actions become faster, creating a rhythm that feels good for both of them, "Feel good, love?"_ _

__"Yes, so good, want you like this always, so good," Castiel replies breathily, wrapping his arms around Balthazar's back, hugging closer._ _

__Balthazar goes harder, fucks him faster, being rewarded with the most guttural moans of pleasure, Castiel's legs coiling around his lower back like a vice, completely clutching onto him. Balthazar is lost in the ecstasy of Castiel's aura, his body, his Grace, kissing anywhere he can reach, as he starts rambling in Enochian again._ _

__In less than a second, Balthazar flips them over, Castiel now on top, riding him vigorously. He can see all of Castiel now, watching him in awe as he fucks himself enthusiastically on the cock inside him._ _

__"So gorgeous, Cas..." Balthazar mumbles deliriously, his hands moving to rub Castiel's nipples, tweaking them with just enough pressure._ _

__Castiel throws his head back, lost in too much pleasure, he shouts, "Ohh!" and Balthazar knows this new angle must have helped stimulate his sweet spot._ _

__"C'mon, Cas, wanna see you come...been so long, miss how you come just for me..."_ _

__"Just for you."_ _

__It's amazing how quickly Castiel learns, bouncing on Balthazar's cock like an expert, clenching around him, milking him towards an impending orgasm. He looks down at his own trembling cock, hard and straining, begging for release._ _

__"D'you want me to touch your cock, Cas?"_ _

__"Yes, please touch me, it hurts."_ _

__Balthazar takes him, pumps him in rhythm with every time he slams down, "So gorgeous, Cas, always been so sexy."_ _

__"Bal, I'm...ahh..."_ _

__"You're close, darling, I know me too...so close."_ _

__Castiel is gone, lost in unimaginable pleasure as he wails, skyrocketing towards the pinnacle of total physical bliss. Balthazar can barely hold it together any longer, trying not to release first, dying to feel Castiel come around his bare length. He wants to feel Castiel pull the orgasm right out of him, using only the strength from his own._ _

_I love you beyond measure, you're perfect._

__Balthazar tells him silently, before finishing verbally with, "Come, my love...come with me."_ _

__"Balthazar!" And he's coming, Castiel chants his name loudly as he holds his gaze, his muscles sent into a series of spasms, tipping Balthazar right over the edge._ _

__"Fuck! Cas! Oh, Cas...yes!" He gasps, overtaken with euphoria as his surging cock finally spills into Castiel's body, filling him up with his creamy seed, coating his insides with his claim._ _

__Castiel begins to slow, still rocking gently as he comes down from the intensity of their love. He looks happy but not yet sated, Balthazar can tell instantly that he's not finished yet._ _

__"Bal, it's not enough, need more of you, wanna feel you like I used to...please..."_ _

__Balthazar knows what he wants, actually whimpering at his suggestion. Castiel wants to leave their vessels, he wants to make love truly naked, blend themselves together the way only angels can._ _

__"Anything, darling, yes..."_ _

Castiel hoists himself off Balthazar's slowly softening cock, leaning down to kiss him, "Need to see you as I have before, the real you...let me swim inside your warmth, Balthazar, I miss your true beauty, your light..."

Castiel is killing him, driving him to the point of no return, never did Balthazar expect to reach this level of intimacy again so fast.

"Then you shall have it, Cas, I'm yours." Not a second later, Balthazar's vessel is lighting up, glowing through his skin as he departs from human form, Castiel quickly following suit.

Both original inhabitants of their vessels long dead, the two limp bodies are left twined together on the Earth, completely empty.

Freedom, it's the first thing Balthazar thinks of, enjoying how natural it feels to spread out like this after ages of confinement. It's even better knowing he's sharing this moment with Castiel, together again as they should be.

Castiel floats nearer, their Graces joining, encompassing one another equally and entirely. It's cozy and warm and safe, Balthazar doesn't understand how an act this beautiful can be outlawed amongst his kin, how it can be considered sin. There's only love here.

_Do you remember how I used to sing to you?_

_You're voice soothed me many times, I miss it. Will you sing for me now?_

In response, Balthazar's energy vibrates stronger, the two of them quivering against one another, their pleasure growing steady.

_Do you remember my favorite?_

_Of course, love._

He could never forget Castiel's favorite song, it began as just a simple poem Balthazar would sometimes whisper to him, eventually evolving into something more, turning the loving words into a melody, always sung and heard just between the two of them.

 _'Life will sail breezily like the wildest wind,_  
_Stay close to me as we tumble together down toward oblivion.'_

The words flow fluently from within him, almost like he never stopped singing them.

 _'The sun will rise clear like the purest light,_  
_But never will it shine brighter than you.'_

It's so easy being like this, wrapped up inside one another, feeling Castiel melt further into him as he carries on.

 _'The nightly moon will glow misty like the clouds,_  
_Surrounding us dearly in a haze of foggy warmth.'_

Castiel is humming with him now, knowing the tune as well as Balthazar, the heat between them becoming a fire.

 _'Turbulent waves will roll one after another,_  
_Claiming our souls as swiftly as lust.'_

There's no stopping the build up they've created, two souls merging into one, indulging in pleasure beyond comprehension.

 _'Faith, Courage, and Adventure rage on,_  
_Yet Love triumphs over any storm.'_

He sings louder, losing control as his release draws closer, ready to come for the second time that night, Castiel appearing just as wrecked.

 _'Your Grace is eternal,_  
_Coursing through me like nourishment,_  
_Soothing me tenderly,_  
_And living snugly in my heart.'_

He's able to make it through, panting the last few lyrics to his darling as they climax together, loving each other in the absolute purest way that nature allows.

It lasts considerably longer than the average human orgasm, rippling through them both deeply, time simply holds no meaning like this.

_Balthazar, thank you._

_Never thank me, Cassie, there's no need._

In a silent mutual agreement, they eventually drift back towards Earth, reemerging into their faithful vessels. Both angels breathing heavily as their eyes crack open, acclimating themselves back to this type of existence.

Castiel is still on top of him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Balthazar's neck like a cat, a patch of his scruffy stubble tickling him slightly. Exhaustion kicking in, neither one moves, not ready to let go, not ready to wage war, not ready to return to the coldness of reality. They don't actually need to sleep, but it feels too good not to, so they give in, comfortably drifting away together.

Balthazar thinks he can die happy now, for nothing in the world could ever top this fulfilling feeling that's nestled its way inside him.

_Sleep well, darling._

_You too, Bal._

~

Weeks pass by, and Castiel retracts from Balthazar further than ever before, unrecognizable from the angel who kissed him as they flew around the world, laughing, dancing, swimming, and playing. A shell of the man that made love to him sweetly, who told Balthazar that he only wants him, that he loves him truly.

Balthazar's suspicions are unfortunately proven correct, Castiel is completely off the rails. Making an extremely dangerous deal with the bloody _King of Hell_ to pop open Purgatory, planning on consuming as many souls as he can fit.

It's all about attaining more power, the need to beat Raphael more important than anything else. Long ago did it stop being about fighting for a noble cause, about stopping the apocalypse. Now all that's left is mania, and the overwhelming need to _win_ , to kill his brother.

However, even if Castiel does defeat Raphael, this insane plan is sure to kill him in the process, which only means one thing. Balthazar's going to lose him.

He tries to reason with Castiel, begs him to stop, the serene forest around them a total juxtaposition to their morbid topic of conversation. But Castiel refuses, asking Balthazar for his allegiance one more time, and like a fool, he agrees. Lying through his teeth.

_In for a penny, in for a pound._

Castiel also betrays the Winchesters, something that's honestly more surprising than even dealing with demons. Unsympathetically standing by while Dean's family is kidnapped, intentionally breaking down the delicate wall inside Sam's head, flooding him with whatever nightmare Lucifer put him through. Castiel tries to make sense of his actions, repeatedly explaining himself to them, but none of it matters. He can't see that the line in his head between right and wrong has become blurred, dragging down all those closest to him as he falls.

Balthazar decides it's time to strike up a little deal of his own, teaming up with the humans, because for once they all agree on something. Although it goes unspoken, they all love Castiel and he needs to be stopped, he needs to be saved.

Castiel only has one last person left to hurt.

Balthazar.

And he knows it's coming.

But Balthazar has no regrets, he did what he did to try and protect Castiel, he had to try.

Castiel summons him, requests his presence at their secret base, the location where he'll inevitably blow a hole through goddamn Purgatory.

When Balthazar arrives, he feels alone, because the man in front of him isn't Castiel anymore, yet he loves him anyway. If anything he loves him more, trying desperately to hold on, maybe break through the ice.

Castiel informs him that they have a traitor in their midst, his voice scary, his words calculated. Balthazar is all too aware that Castiel knows it's him, but he's not running this time, Balthazar's not leaving him.

Balthazar tells him one last time with the pathetic smile of a broken man, "Well, you'll always have little old me."

Castiel's eyes look right through him, so lost and full of anger before he coldly turns his back on him. Happening faster than the time it takes to blink, Castiel's now behind him, the familiar tingle of his breath puffing hotly against Balthazar's ear, "Yes, I'll always have you."

_It's okay, Cas, I forgive you. I love you._

Castiel drives his angel blade directly into Balthazar's back, the sharp silver point poking out through his chest. His vessel bleeds, but it doesn't even hurt, not nearly as much as his heart does.

Balthazar's sad blue eyes well up with tears as he breathes, "Cas..."

His first and last words. He wouldn't have it any other way. He dies thinking of only the good times, of how fiercely he loves Castiel, and about how nothing will ever change that.

And Castiel's simply too numb to feel this pain, he can't allow himself to realize what he's done, because if he does he'll never recover. He stares down emotionlessly at the burn marks of Balthazar's wings, the beautiful wings he used to preen with great care, the wings that always held him so tightly full of love, and he feels _nothing._

Maybe someday in the future, Castiel will repent, force himself mourn the loss of the man who loved him more than life itself. Force himself to remember the greatest love two angel's ever shared.


End file.
